i have taken that journey
those scared, small, bold steps away
into the storming night
i have circled back now
time and again
with perspective grown
compassion and fierceness, hand in hand
i have heard those wild geese calling,
and still i forget
still i seek to
remember
in moments,
in solitude and sometimes loneliness
that i belong
that i
belong
to something
to the wild world
to my human family
to myself

i have been meeting
myself
in quiet moments
in stillness and movement, unfolding
i greet myself,
sometimes without words in my mouth to give
sometimes with hands and heart empty
of the knowledge of how
to gather, to weave, to welcome
to nourish

there is One inside of me
who follows behind
with machete gleaming,
hacking
silently, slyly, sneakily sawing
at every root i dare dig down
every thread of connection
spiraled out
her blade screams, no!
there is safety in separation
cut loose every tie
you cannot afford to love in this way
you must always be ready and able to sever,
sever and be safe

I come to her
crying
tears of compassion and pleading
dear One, dear One, the war is over now
i tell her,
the terrain is more tender
there are fields for planting
there are roots to intertwine
that do not seek to suffocate or harm you
there is beauty in the broken heart of loving
and separation
leaves you starving

I have been looking for a job for her
something new to do,
something to offer her hands, to offer thanks
for her service,
for her job well done
and now,
i think i have it-
do not lay down your blade,
just cut away
all that does not serve-
all these habits here, all these entangled knotty twisted branches
of a starving soul
searching for light, for comfort, for something to keep me from my own pain
i honor the power of your severing blade-
but let us rewrite the guidelines,
redirect the force of your tool's clarity
here,
here,
here you may cut, here you may sever, here you may prune my soul's growing
cutting away that which needs to die,
so that the miracle of new growth can emerge


there is One inside of me
who sits,
her shoulders slumped,
her head, unable to be lifted,
her hands limp and useless at her sides
her gaze, dead and empty
how do i reach this One?
this dear, precious One who has lost her will,
surrendered to an inescapable reality
almost broken, but not quite
see?
her breathe rises and falls in her chest
though shallow, her breathing, at least,
is a sign of life

I come to her,
and sit nearby
witnessing quietly,
sending love to her, to the place
where she has made herself untouchable

how do i reach this precious One?
what can i offer?
what can i give her to bring her back from this edge of despair?
how can i show her sunlight, if she cannot find her feet to walk?
she is barely there, shadowy, watery, etheral
lacking the substance of essence
the thinnest thread connects her to life,
because she has found
she cannot will herself to die

how do i tell her now, that she is free? 
to come and join me in a new life?