New Relation (from Authentic Movement writings)

he is screaming.

i start shaking,

not 

trembling.

i am standing.

i walk towards the sound,

and pause

i stick my tongue out

i taunt, i’m not scared of you anymore

i push up my sleeves

to my elbows

i walk

i feel the bottoms of my feet

pad-like

balanced

i walk around the screaming.

i am circling

hands on my hips,

feet striking the floor.

then

i lose a little steam,

the defiant confidence

of my stride is lost

as the screaming continues

and threatens

to grow louder.

he is chanting.

I bump into him,

and he is whispering soft

and low, shh, shh, shh, shh-

i am stunned.

i stop.

his hand is touching mine.

his skin is old

and dry and cracked,

rough and tender.

i take his hand in mine

and place it

on the side of my head, my face,

cradling

i am held, gently

i am safe and protected,

cared for.

he gently encourages,

shh, shh, shh, shh-

tenderness fills a space

in my chest

i step away

and tears pour

down my face

big, wet, uncontrollable

streaming flow

i stand alone,

and move again.

this time

i am circling,

he is still screaming,

a choked back sob

i want to go to him and

touch him

tell him with my fingers, my hands-

shh, shh, shh, shh…

something inside of me breaks

and compassion enters my heart.

not shame,

not judgement,

for this pain and rage.

my anger receives my compassion,

as i offer it to his.