Aaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh!

Gratitude.

I am grateful for the rain, for the cool of this morning, for the grey and misty Fall.
I am grateful for Providence, for my truck and all the many ways in which I have been provided for, taken care of.
I am grateful to have little, and need less.
I am grateful for friends, for Family- in all it's forms.
I am grateful for a Companion who loves me, who knows me, and still loves me. Who understands the passions of my heart and cherishes my Dreams. Who sets me free.
I am grateful for Life, how precious it is.
I am grateful for trees, and what they teach.
I am grateful for nature, for this beautiful earth-whose rhythms and cycles are moving all around me and within me, teaching me more than words can say.
I am grateful for all the trials, for they teach me too.
I am grateful for every step, every breath, leading me Home.

Gracias Abuela, Pachamama, Madre de Todos-
gracias por esta vida, por cada una, y por todo que me esenas.
Te adoro con todo mi corazon, con cada fibra de mi ser.

Isn't This Beautiful?

The Summer Day
-Mary Oliver

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wins open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

Here Goes.

rough night.

a really rough night.

one moment, i was reading in bed, and the next- crying. big ol' crocodile tears rolling down my face.

i've been feeling like i'm on shaky ground the last couple of days. shaky ground within myself, that is. I can go from being in such a good state, feeling strong and independent and accepting of myself...to this place of self-loathing, over-analyzation of everything, and general self ass-kicking.

there is a part of me that believes that i am annoying, irritating, and an obligation to others. for some reason this has been activated in the last couple of days and once that voice starts, it is persistent and downright nasty. and really hard to shut up.

i have so many memories of feeling that way as a child...tones of voice, gestures, and facial expressions. unfortunately, i learned it, absorbed it. and now am living it. though i try, i do try.

i don't really know what to say for myself today, other than that. I'm trying. Trying to love myself just as much as I can. Trying to believe in myself just as much as I can.
Trying to comfort, encourage, and heal.

Paz.

Solidaridad.

Fences. Walls. Burning eyes. Violence. Aggression. Greed. Blindness.

Eyes that burn with hatred are blind. The denial of the humanity of another person is the greatest crime any of us can commit. We are like the child in the sandbox, building a partition, to keep others from coming onto his side.
To build a Wall along a border is unfathomable.
What are we protecting? What are we scared of? The ideal of individualism is what has wounded our country at it's core. Me, mine. When the inescapable reality is We, ours. Creating borderlines that are uncrossable, is to confine the dreams, hopes, paths, and very lives of those on either side.
How can one look, truly look, into the eyes of another human being and not see the spark of divinity and humanity manifest there? How do we begin to truly see each other?

Solidarity.

I stand with the poor, the impoverished.
I stand with the dreamers, the protesters, the restless.
I beg with the homeless.
I hunger with the children and the parents who find no food to bring home.
I cry with the brokenhearted and weep with the wounded.
I suffer with those who suffer.
I hope with the hopeless.
I endure with the desperate.
I stand with those who fight to be heard, to be seen, to be known.
I stand with those who have not,
and speak unapologetically to those who have, and do not question.

I will no longer walk lightly and with fear or shame,
but with boldness and strength.
With conviction, empowered to change.

Because I believe that we can change anything.

This struggle is a beautiful one.
This fight will not be won with aggression and anger, righteous or otherwise. This struggle will be won with patience, humility, endurance, and unfathomable Hope.
Change will come as we live it, and create it.
Change will come as long as we stand, shout, cry, act, hope, and believe with all our might.
We can overcome.
We will overcome.

I know so many dreamers, believers. So many with smiles waiting to be shared, generosity extended, hands open and ready to give, hearts full of Love and hope and wonder.

We are not the minority, we are the majority, and all of us together will change the world.

It is happening.

Suspended.

I am waiting to open this blog to the public until I hit the road.
I hope to write here with unapologetic honesty.
For that reason, I think I'm going to disable the comments function. Not to ignore, but just to protect that which is growing and newly expressing itself.
If it offends, don't read it.
If you really care and want to know where I'm at and who I am becoming, then read on.
Paz,
Raquelita