rough night.
a really rough night.
one moment, i was reading in bed, and the next- crying. big ol' crocodile tears rolling down my face.
i've been feeling like i'm on shaky ground the last couple of days. shaky ground within myself, that is. I can go from being in such a good state, feeling strong and independent and accepting of myself...to this place of self-loathing, over-analyzation of everything, and general self ass-kicking.
there is a part of me that believes that i am annoying, irritating, and an obligation to others. for some reason this has been activated in the last couple of days and once that voice starts, it is persistent and downright nasty. and really hard to shut up.
i have so many memories of feeling that way as a child...tones of voice, gestures, and facial expressions. unfortunately, i learned it, absorbed it. and now am living it. though i try, i do try.
i don't really know what to say for myself today, other than that. I'm trying. Trying to love myself just as much as I can. Trying to believe in myself just as much as I can.
Trying to comfort, encourage, and heal.
Paz.
