New Baby!!

Well, she'll be here soon. Mi querida amiga Frida is having a baby girl!
The "shower" is today.....I'm so excited! :)

She's gonna be the best mom ever.

Love-

Happy, Today

Best compliment I've received about my album so far...?

"You introduce yourself."

This Morning

etta serenades me
singing songs
about
dreams to remember,
ani reminds me
of all things
bittersweet
together they harmonize
in the twisting, turning blend
of Joy and Sorrow
that accompanies me
these days.

I am coaxing myself
into the day
warming up with a cup
of coffee, cinnamon, chocolate
enjoying the peace
of my parents' backyard
sanctuary,
where flowers
grow out of
toilets and old drawers.

My skin is browner now
than when I arrived
my muscles tightening
with use
my hair more wild
-more carefree-
I am
less wound
less bound by that which has held me
for so long.

there are older voices singing now
who dance on the wind
who pull me forward
their rhythm keeping time
with the beat of my heart
which presses up against
my ribcage
hoping her momentum
might carry me
these next few steps,
these next few days.

a spirit of Peace
is rustling through the leaves
of the japanese maple
the dogwood
the birch tree
it rushes past the old wind chimes
and makes them sing-
it kisses me
square
on the mouth,
and breathes
its sweetness into me.

I have been pounding on a closed door.

And have only now realized it,
now that the blood has seeped
into the creases and lines of my hands,
leaving trails like maps,
as if they might guide me to
understanding.

it's shocking and a little embarrassing
to realize
that one's been causing such a commotion
trying to pry, pull, bend, break
a door
that's not open.

i mean,
it's hard to regain one's composure
after such a battle,
such a surrender,
so i turn and squat on the porch.
move to sit on that first step
and light
a cigarette.

how does one Love a closed door?

accept it for what it is, perhaps.
sweep the porch.
press my palm to the wood, still warm
from my attempts.
slip my hands into my front pockets
and step out into the street.

feel the sun's caress,
the breeze as it dances by me-
notice the green of the trees,
and the birds singing spring.

walk.
one foot in front of the other.
those first few steps are the hardest,
though I do manage to
swing and sway my hips a little
as I
walk away.

shake it Sister, shake it.
she says, as she passes by,
nodding in approval
and in time.

I stroll onward and
wander towards doors that are flung wide open-
porches that welcome me
with the enticing fragrance of spices
sifting in the breeze
with such lovely heartfelt music
pouring out into the street.

Umm...

...did a spontaneous dance party just happen in the Shaffer household?!?

with ALL FOUR OF US?!?

Yes. Oh, yes.

...Is this my Real Life??

:-D

PATIENCE.
PATIENCE.
Patience.
Patience.
Patience.




"It all comes back to that."

Beauty, Magic, Everywhere!

I had the best. weekend. EVER.

so, so beautiful. I can't even begin to write about it yet, but i will say this-

I LOVE LIFE.

I feel like a whole new world is opening to me, one that has been there all along that I could never slow down (and relax!) enough to see and experience with the clarity and freedom that are somehow, gratefully, finding their way to me now.

And for so many others it seems. Things are "happening"- falling into place, for so many that I know and love.

I am so grateful.

And excited!

What A Crazy Adventure

today was.
I experienced first-hand the shocking wastefulness of 'our American life-style.' Unbelievable.

More tomorrow, for now, sleep.

Love-

I am wondering

about the rhythm of patterns, the self-destructive cycles that haunt some people, and how one might be freed from such harmful self-inflicted suffering.

I am wondering about what it means to Love ourselves. I want to love myself the way a Mother loves her Child. Unconditionally. and Always.

I am convinced that a Mother's love is one of the most powerful forces in the whole world.

I am Blessed to know so many Women in my life, who are doing the "dirty work." Who are riding, at breakneck speed, along the edges of an exponential growth curve. Facing some scary shit. Healing themselves, healing others, healing the world.

They are some of the most courageous people I know.


I have found, at this Crossroads in my Life, that I am having to pull from depths within previously unknown to me- in order to grow. In order to forgive, to love, to heal, and to Live more wholly, more fully.
My roots are sore from their digging, my branches tremble in their reaching.

It is hard work.
But worth it. I wouldn't do it if I didn't know all-the-way-down to the soul, that it's worth it.

Love-

Raquelita Hekate

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave.
-Indira Gandhi


Forgiveness is the final form of love.
-Reinhold Niebuhr


Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
-Mark Twain

Ha.

My favorite email of the day starts off with-

"I'm about to get kicked off the computer at the library..."


:) Ah, mis amigos.
Tan locos son. I adore them.

New (To Me) Bob Marley

Wake up and live, y'all, Wake up and live!
Wake up and live now! Wake up and live!

Life is one big road with lots of signs,
So when you riding through the ruts,
don't you complicate your mind:
Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy!
Don't bury your thoughts; put your vision to reality, yeah!

All together now:
Wake up and live,
Wake up and live!

Rise ye mighty people, ye-ah!
There's work to be done,
So let's do it-a little by little:
Rise from your sleepless slumber!
We're more than sand on the seashore,
We're more than numbers.

All together now:
Wake up and live now, y'all!
Wake up and live!
Wake up and live now!

You see, one - one cocoa full a basket,
Whey they use you live big today:
tomorrow you buried in-a casket.
One cocoa full a basket,
Whey they use you live big today:
tomorrow you bury in-a casket.

Life is one big road with lots of signs, yes!
So when you riding through the ruts,
don't you complicate your mind:
Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy!
Don't bury your thoughts;
put your dream to reality, yeah!

W'all together now:
Wake up and live, y'all-
Wake up and live!
Wake up and live, yea-eah!
Wake up and live now!
Wake up and live now! Wake up and live!

Of Late.

to those I love

and to those who love me

tonight

I am sending out

a reverberation of gratitude

for all you mean

and all you have meant to me

and I write now

to all of you-

all you Precious Ones-

Thank you for all you are teaching me.

Playing For Change.

This is the most beautiful thing ever.
Go to their website and check it out- there are 8 songs total ("Episodes.") ...Unbelievable.

This song made my soul's toes curl.

Stand By Me


*Keep a look out for Grandpa Elliot. :)

The Past Five (Or So) Years of My Life...

Looking through old journals tonight.
Which is weird and beautiful and sometimes intense. Came across this quote from Jospeph Campbell, thought I'd post it.

"God" is an ambiguous word in our language because it appears to refer to
something that is known. But the transcendent is unknowable and unknown. God is
transcendent, finally, of anything like the name "God." God is beyond names and
forms. Meister Eckhart said that the ultimate and highest leave-taking is
leaving God for God, leaving your notion of God for an experience of that which
transcends all notions.
The mystery of life is beyond all human conception. Everything we know is within the terminology of the concepts of being and not being, many and single, true and untrue. We always think in terms of opposites. But God, the ultimate, is beyond the pairs of opposites, that is all there is to it.

Recording

a green and yellow scarf
adorns my head
a river rock around my neck
ylang ylang oil on
my wrists and breast
JOE SIX on a makeshift altar
muses to inspire me
green tea
with lots of honey
my daemon dog
and good friends

i am so blessed.

MmmHmm.

And I'm Feelin' Good...

I am drunk
on butterflies and red wine
the pure ecstasty
of living
the rhythm
the pulse
the stage
on which we all
are dancing~

I am in Love
with Life and living
with rocks on the dashboard
of my truck
and hanging from a cord
around my neck,
against my breast

I am reeling
and spinning,
but not out of control-
only
ever
deeper,

ever
higher,

ever
wider.

Love transforms.
And for that I am ever and eternally grateful.


Paz.

In the Pines.

Dear William,

The fantastic brilliance of the Shadow-Box!
Like real Life,
but not.
Everything's neatly arranged,
cut-out and displayed
as if it all made perfect sense.

And the figures are in human form-
Like real Life,
but not.
Everything's perfect and precise,
and so nice-ly
two-dimensional.

Tell me, are your shadows still singing?
Does the ringing echo of their songs fill churches and barns
like they used to?

And are you William?
Or are you Jacob?

Such subconscious slip-ups
send me spinning
and reeling-
I can't read your writing
for much longer,
because I am looking for myself
in every metaphor
every moment
every story-
I am searching for my meaning.

Thank you for the letter.

(and ps. I hate the city.)

Sincerely,
Clementine

11:12 pm

My mom just came in asking for my flashlight.
"Sure Mom- but, why?"

"Snail hunt!"

Yes, that's right, my Mom, the Gardener, hunting snails at near midnight.
Those nocturnal creepers are having a very rude awakening.

My Mom is the most loving, most nurturing Woman on the face of the earth- the one, and only, thing I have ever seen her become aggressive (and border-line violent) over?

Snails in her garden.

Hilarious.
And so cute.

It's Almost Time to Go.

Words from a Kindred.

Got this funny feeling
That maybe I think too much...

I got this funny feeling 
Like I wanna do some good
But I feel all tangled up on the inside
I still like to think I could
I still like to think I would

Seems all I got are these uncertainties
And long road ahead of me
Seems all I got are these infatuations
Constant complications
These are my creations 
Hope I have the patience
To break on free 
To break on free

Sometimes you gotta hurt child 
Still know that you're alive 
Still know that you’ve got choices 
That you’re more than just your mind
Cause we all need a little time

But it seems all I got are these Uncertainties
And a long road ahead of me...

-Matthew Santos

Sister Day!

squishy-kissy faces and all...

we had fun today. :)

mostly just goofing off... but so good to be together again.  Love you Hoonie.

"Tell me, could you walk away?"

my own question
prophesying
our eventual demise-
it's almost funny
what my songs
show me,
in retrospect

what do you do with old love songs?

i am tempted to cast
them aside,
or throw them
on the pyre
with everything else,
but,
i mean,
they're still songs, right?
still mine?
still creation?
still my expression
and exaltation
of that which is
Unnameable?

and so tonight
I sing them
line by line
with a weight and a meaning
that only
you or i
could ever realize-
and
i offer them
at the altar
of our dead.

Love's shadow,
that most holy
of ghosts-
casts it's illuminating
glow,
and i can see more clearly
than i might have before
though
that doesn't stop my tears
or the
letting go
that will eventually
allow me to sing
such sweet things
without thinking
about
you.


Peace, tonight.
I wish us Peace.

Crazy Collage Goodness!

Oh my!

:)

My New Favorite.

Patience
-Tina Louise

I am waiting
Though not in stillness as I wait
I am hoping
Though not in despair as I hope
I am dreaming
Though not in darkness as I dream
I am longing
Though not in emptiness as I long
I am trying
Though not in futility as I try
I am learning
Though not in ignorance as I learn
I am becoming
Though not in nothing as I become
I am being
While eternity teaches me patience

La Que Sabe

i can feel her returning

the woman who believes
in the power of her own
creativity
the woman who smiles
secret smiles
the one with the fire dancing
behind her eyes
and in her belly

i hear her footsteps
fall lightly
behind me
she tried to sneak up
without my noticing
but i sensed
her
coming

besides,
who else smells of ylang-ylang
and moon magic?
of so much journey-
like wind in her hair
like dust on her toes?

today
i will spread out my paints
dust off some canvas
keep my guitar handy
and write as if my words
kept the world hanging
in balance
i will welcome her
home
with dancing
and a howl~


Aaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh!

Perspective

I was just about to give myself a good ass-kicking for having accomplished absolutely nothing today. I mean, truly- nothing.
I stayed inside all day.
My only attempt at getting dressed was to put on a royal blue skirt over my purple and teal-striped pj pants and a green sweater over the purple halter dress I had worn to bed. (Looking myself over now, I think in my grouchy morning stupor I may have actually been mocking the very idea of leaving the house). I half-watched half a movie. I ate awful chili out of a can. I moped and felt generally sorry for myself most of the day. I'm not proud to admit it, but there it is.

And I was about to really get down on myself about it when I realized that actually, I did accomplish something today. I wrote a new song.
I worked on it off and on all day. And I found that even when I wasn't sitting down with the guitar playing- it was still very present. I would catch myself humming the melody or needing to run for paper and pen to write down new ideas and lyrics.

And I'm really happy with it.
Pretty cool.

And I guess, If I needed to take a day to just check-out in order to labor and give life to a new song, so be it. The act of creation is always a little messy, is it not?

Love-

This Morning

I woke with only a half hour of the morning left. Trying to sleep away sickness.
I woke up, unsure of where I was, whose floor I was on.
Such scattered dreams, my mom, my uncle, friends from the Road- some regulars, some unexpected- uninvited and recurring. Not in a bad way, just perplexing.
There were fragments of a Bon Iver song floating in my waking moments, Re:Stacks. Haunting.
I woke with words in my mouth so I rushed to a pen and paper to get them out, to get them down. Guitar. A broken, half-written song trying to stretch it's wings. If Bon Iver met Anais Mitchell met a lonely homesick girl, thrown from bed by such feverish dreams.

And I am always amazed at my ability to be a walking contradiction, almost constantly.
I came across a plea scrawled in my notebook,
"Sometimes I wish that I wanted just one thing."